This is a topic I have been wanting to write about for ages. It is something I see or deal with on a regular basis. Probably I am a lot like that at different levels , I used to think I was the only one like that but realised there are others as well out there.
I love the idea of having people over and drinking and partying, on the other had I enjoy my own space where I am with my books,diaries or music and have quiet time to think over what I have done or need to do and just think.. Is it paradoxical that I feel claustrophobic in a large party with too many people yet I enjoy dancing on the dance floor.. I need familiar people, if I go out late nights and cannot strike random conversations with people I meet while getting my drink..I am not the sort of girl who would love meeting random guys every Saturday night and pour out my heart to them over drinks. It does take a while for people to understand me and only the ones who really do, stay and have the courage to talk and interact directly, the rest exit.In fact just because I am good at understanding people and easily make friends, I do get labelled and tagged but now it does not bother me at all…
The fact is beneath the layers I am a simple, down to earth, happy go lucky girl and all I care about is making people happy. I hate rules and societal conditions but follow them cause it makes people around me happy..Sometimes I end up just doing something for someone , so that the person smiles and is happy at the end of the day.Some people think I am choosy, some think I am selfish, some also feel I am snobbish, some think I have attitude.. I choose not to talk to everyone because I cannot connect with everyone and the attitude was a result of always having bossy siblings around who told me that only attitude would be the way to deal with the world- sometimes a little wrong advice can be detrimental..Someone I met recently told me that attitude would ruin everything and should be toned down in my personal equation and probably something I am conciously trying to deal with and overcome, might take a while but hopefully will not take forever..
I like bright colours but I also love wearing black and white and sometimes go through those grey phases. People think I am outgoing and an extrovert but the fact is there is this very reserved and shy side to me , at times I am tongue-tied and will not even say a single word..I have overcome that shyness cause I work as a marketing and communications specialist and there is no room for being shy in the corporate world..
I love people around me but I also hurt them by being rude and blunt, still learning the art of being patient and saying things in a manner that does not hurt anyone…There is an image people think they have of me and there is girl who exists when the lights are off and the curtain’s down..
She is someone you would meet probably tucked away in a coffee shop with her nose in a book, maybe at a store browsing for something to wear because she always feels she has nothing in her wardrobe, maybe sipping a drink while enjoying her dinner at a restaurant or laughing with her friends while out on a drive…Is she paradoxical or is she scared of unlocking her soul to the world?….